*NOTE* This post mentions God. If that term doesn't resonate with you, feel free to replace it with Source, Universe, or whatever other word feels good to you.
With my history of anxiety and depression, I’ve never been very good at letting go of anger.
I can recall the moment in which I learned how to let go of anger and frustration. I’d never been so angry in my life.
Feeling the Anger
My husband and I had just had an argument—one of the worst we’d ever had. Looking back, I couldn’t even tell you what was said or who said what, but my blood was boiling.
I felt like I was going to explode.
My emotions were so intense that all I could think about was breaking something or hurting myself. Something—anything—to not feel so infuriated.
I also needed to stop crying. Most emotions seem to make me cry. It can be happiness, sadness, or anger. It doesn’t matter, I still cry. Angry tears were the worst for me. I was used to sadness and happiness was rare, but anger was something I didn’t know how to deal with.
By that point, I was crying deep heavy sobs that took my breath away and seized my body.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted it to go away.
Learning How to Let Go
“Please God, just take this away,” I cried out. I wanted Him to snap His finger and make my bad feelings disappear instantly.
At that moment, I heard a firm, “No.”
I was taken aback. It was the first time in my life that I heard the voice of God so clearly.
My surprise quickly turned into frustration.
“Why, God? Why not?” I questioned in between sobs.
“I can’t take your feelings away from you,” He said. “YOU have to LET THEM GO.”
His answer pierced my soul.
Like I said, letting go of anger was never my strong suit. How was I supposed to let go of it when I was SO ANGRY?
I realized I’d worked myself into a knot—a tightly knit fetal position with clenched fists. I was closed off and in no position to “let go.”
It took a conscious effort, but I unwound my pretzel knot and sat with my hands open. I closed my eyes and visualized the toxic anger leaving my body. Anger out, love in. Anger out, peace in. Forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness.
Letting go of anger was simply a matter of me being willing to let go of the anger.
My breathing returned to normal and I stopped crying.
The anger was gone. The bad feelings were gone. I was just…me.
Letting Go of Anger
In the heat of the moment, I erroneously think that the brain that got me into that mess in the first place will miraculously get me out of it. In this case, I wanted God to just take it all away from me without me having to put in any effort.
God isn’t a magical fairy that waves his magic wand and makes all of the bad things in our lives go away.
He is indeed an omnipotent and benign being who wants what’s best for us, but WE have to take that first step toward healing.
You don’t have to share my faith to heal yourself.
Letting go of anger isn’t easy, but the process can be simple. It’s our unwillingness to change that holds us back from embracing peace and joy.
The secret to letting go of anger is being open to internal transformation. It’s us that must change, not our circumstances or other people.
Nicole Starbuck is an intuitive business coach helping spiritual women entrepreneurs stress less, achieve more, and build 6-figure online empires online without the burnout. Click here to learn more.